Nail Fail

The last time I really got into doing my nails was in 6th grade. I hadn't been allowed to wear makeup or paint my nails up until that time, well, I still didn't wear makeup, but  I could paint my nails. At first, my parents didn't want me to put any kind of devils color on my body but after unrelenting pre-teen whining, they finally broke down. I assume one can only take hearing "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, NO ONE UNDERSTANDS, WAAAAAA!!" so many times before you just don't give a shit anymore. I would go to the store and buy every crazy color I could imagine. Once, I painted each nail a different color! For a 12 year old, that's like bitch-slapping society in the face. Plus, I liked the smell. Reminded me of my other favorite, brain-cell erasing smell: gasoline.

Flash forward to now and my interest in "nail art" has piqued once again, thanks to the ladies I work with. They do their nails fairly regularly, where I paint mine and let them chip off naturally. I once had  nail polish chip off (by itself) into the profile of George Lucas, I shit you not. I'd put the picture on here, but I'm hoping to Tweet it to George Lucas and get something free from him. But the girls at work are true dye hards (see the wording, huh? huh? Punny), doing some really interesting stuff that I can't make work. I once totally branched out and painted all my nails turquoise and then had one gold, glitter accent nail. I showed Brad and he said, "Why is one nail painted like that?". "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, NO ONE UNDERSTANDS, WAAAAAA!!" and I ran off to Instagram it to the people that do understand.

So, as you can imagine, I don't get much time to pamper myself. But one night, before a wedding, I decided to pamper myself by taking a nice bath, drink some wine and paint my nails. Well, the bathtub made me realize why I don't take baths anymore, with the sitting in your own dirty water and the noticing places in the tub that you don't clean good enough. Then I took the girls picnic bench and set up shop. I decided to do the "Saran Wrap" nails. I got my base on and thought, hell, this looks nice. Looking back, it was probably the 3rd glass of wine talking. So I started putting the second coat on and did the Saran Wrap thing and my god in heaven, it was awful. I suck at fancy nail painting......

I felt I had one of two options: 1)Take the monstrosity down with some nail polish remover or 2)make my face up to look like the Joker to complete the look. I chose the first option because I was fresh out of crazy . Needless to say, I think I'll stick with plain polish from now on. Fucking Pinterest tutorial.