Sunday, October 13, 2013

Mommy and Daddy Fun Time (Day 1)

Not THAT kind of time perverts, but sweet, sweet, glorious kid-free time! Brad and I had been meaning to get away for a weekend since our last weekend away (October 2012, which is pretty much forever ago) but it didn't happen..... until last weekend (or two weekends ago, depending on when I feel like finishing this post). We had thought long and hard about where we wanted to go this time around, since we went down to Madison the last time. Chicago? St. Louis? Vegas? The options and locations were endless! Not really. When I say endless, I mean within 2-3 hours from us because I don't want to be in the car too long with Brad; it's irritating. So with endless possibilities, we again chose Madison, naturally.

Unfortunately, the week of our trip, we all got sick. Brad awoke me Monday and told me he thought he had the flu. He rarely gets sick, so it was unusual because whatever he had knocked him the fluff out. Then, because he is a wonderful, sharing man, he fucking gave it to me. And not the good kind of give it to me, but the give it to me flu version. He then woke me up on Tuesday freaking out because he thought Teagan's eye was swollen shut, which it wasn't. We took the girls to urgent care to discover they had bookend ear infections. One on the right, one on the left. Because I didn't feel good, it took all my strength not to pass out at the doctors because I didn't want to A)incur a bill to see the dr myself, B)lay on a couch full of germs and people's DNA and C)fall over like a rhino being shot with a tranq gun in slow motion. I was even sick on our anniversary. You know shit's bad when I not only miss our anniversary dinner, but I turn down pie. PIE!!  Everyone eventually got better...except me. But I'll be damned if I was going to miss a once a year opportunity because my body wouldn't cooperate. It may be old and saggy (that's what she said) but I was going to force this old battleax into the car for a three hour trip.

Now, because I'm super geeked that I was able to have an entire weekend as Tara and not as "She Who Provides the Num Nums", I'm going to go through EVERY freaking detail. It's like being invited to someones house under the assumption there will hard liquor and cheese dip only to find out you will have to go through that persons boring ass vacation pictures. If the pics aren't of kids, people I know or people making complete asses out of themselves, then assume I'm sleeping with my eyes open. So here's our trip. Savor it...

That Friday, we had dropped the girls off at my parents house. Now this was a big deal, because my parents didn't like the idea of having them out of their natural habitat, but they have all adapted nicely. Honestly, I don't even think the girls knew we left because my parents house looks like Toys R Us barfed everywhere.

The trip was long and boring (hopefully not what she said) and we got to the hotel without incident. Before dinner, I had to change out of my mom clothes and turn into a normal human being. Now, I forgot to take a "Before" picture, so I took the liberty of creating what I thought I looked like.

Before                        After
**Just be aware it is very difficult to draw boobs in Microsoft Paint. And those are yoga pants, not Aladdin's pants.**
That first night, we decided to go out to a fancy sushi restaurant. I made sure to ask one of my friends where the best place was, as I didn't want to get the sushits. We walked in and we were surrounded by hipsters. We settled into our small ass table and order a bunch of food that we really had no idea what it was. Then, a hipster couple and their small child, I'd say about 2-3 years old, sat down right next to us. How modern of them to have their toddler eat a meal that cost more then it does to fill up my gas tank. I gave them the benefit of the doubt, even though I was irritated that we had to sit next to a kid. So irritated, that I inadvertently elbowed the waiter in the junk while I was making fun of the douchenozzles on the other side of us because he kept coming at me from my blind side. Which, because I have glasses, is both sides. I shouldn't have given the kid the benefit of the doubt, because about three minutes into him sitting down, he chucked a chopstick at the table behind him. The best part though, was when his parents began having a deep discussion on how people should parent.  You know, after their child javelined a utensil into an unsuspecting table full of people. I struggle to try to remember exact quotes because I'm not sure my mind could wrap around the shear denseness that came out of those people's sushi holes. The food was very yummy though. PS, the other table of douchenozzles next to us were middle aged women who sat down, looked at their water glass and questioned, "Hmmmm, is this sparkling water? Sir, can we get some sparkling water? Gosh, I LURV sparkling water".
Then we went to get gourmet cupcakes. Soooo sophisticated.
Gratuitous food shot.
I won't bore you with the details of the rest of the night. But it involved swimming and early sleep. Real, actual sleep, not the "other" type of sleep. You just don't do that after sushi.
If you want to read about the rest of the weekend, I'll have another post shortly. I didn't want this one to get too long (that's what she..ok that's enough of that).

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